


Not a Part of Your Balanced Breakfast

by Firefly_Ca



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Awkwardness, Crush, Drunkenness, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Sarcasm, Underage Drinking, hints of alcoholism, mother-henning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 15:36:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/663634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firefly_Ca/pseuds/Firefly_Ca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mini-fill for <a href="http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/13316.html?thread=30272772#t30272772">avengerskink</a>, where someone wanted to make the most of the fact that movie-verse Tony apparently was 14 when he went to MIT, and there is no such thing as a cool, non-awkward 14-year-old. I couldn't make a full fic work, but for some reason the scene I wrote where Tony got stupid drunk turned out pretty well (of course it was the scene where he was drunk), so I thought I would post it online:</p>
<p>  <i>"“You get drunk too much. You’re just a kid, Tony.”</i></p>
<p>  <i>“Fuck you. A real friend would support me and my hobbies. They wouldn’t judge me for not being as perfect and handsome as they are.”</i></p>
<p>  <i>“...Um...”</i></p>
<p>  <i>“...Did I say that part at the end out loud?”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Not a Part of Your Balanced Breakfast

**Author's Note:**

> Full Prompt:
> 
> So Tony went to college at 14. FOURTEEN. And I have read a few fics that take place when he is at college, but most of them are when he is 16 or 17, and he is still very much the cocky, charming Tony Stark we all know and (mostly) love. 
> 
> But let’s face it, 14 is pretty much the most horrible age ever. You’re moody as hell, socially awkward, embarrassed by just about everything, your body is going through fuck knows what- growth spurts, acne, voice changing…and for most people going through this they are at least surrounded by other moody, awkward, embarrassed 14 year olds, and then they go home where their moms make them dinner, and they can slam the door to their rooms and write bad poetry about not fitting in. Tony is at university surrounded mostly by 18-22 year olds and going home at night to a dorm room.
> 
> So let’s have Tony’s first horrible, awkward year at MIT please! Can be canon based with no other familiar characters (or Rhodey? The consensus seems to be that they met at MIT, but I don’t know if that’s canon or just fanon.) or college-AU with the other Avengers being in school (meaning they are 18-22, not 14) as well. Please no shipping with Tony. Maybe some pre-slash or pre-het with him having a horrible 14 year old crush on someone, but nothing where it’s reciprocated.

“So help me God, Tony, if you come to my dorm like this one more time, I am reporting you to the dean for underage drinking, they’ll kick you out and then you’ll have your dad to answer to. You want that?”

  
  
“ _Jaaaaames_  don’t be like that. I was just having fun – you know,  _fun_? Have you heard of it?”

  
  
“You’re drunk, Tony.”

  
  
“ _You’re_  drunk.”

  
  
“No actually, I’m not. What I  _am_  is sitting here on my bathroom floor at four AM on the morning of three separate midterms, watching my underage best friend –“

  
  
“Am I your best friend?”

  
  
“ –  _my underage best friend_  repeatedly miss the toilet bowl, asking God what I did wrong in my childhood that this is happening to me now.”

  
  
“Why are you mad at me? I’m only doing what you told me to do.”

  
  
“Tony – “

  
  
“ _You_  said I was a good guy.  _You_  said I needed to get more friends.  _You_  said that I shouldn’t let how young I am get in the way of having a good time at college. So I’m making friends! You should be happy!”

  
  
“These people aren’t your friends Tony! This is the third time this week I’ve found you like this, and this is the third time this week no one’s stuck around to make sure you don’t drown in your own vomit. Where are your friends now that you need them?”

  
  
“Oh my God, Rhodes. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know how tough this was on you. Hang on, I’ll go find some better friends right now. Just for you! It can’t be  _that_  hard, right?”

  
  
“Tony...”

  
  
“No. You’re right. I’ll just go outside and put up a few flyers: ‘Skinny, zitty rich kid who messes up your bell curve in need of friends. Must like him at least half as much as you do his money.’ That’ll work, right?”

  
  
“You know, you’re very articulate when you’re drunk.”

  
  
“I get drunk a lot. I’m very good at it.”

  
  
“You get drunk too much. You’re just a kid, Tony.”

  
  
“Fuck you. A real friend would support me and my hobbies. They wouldn’t judge me for not being as  _perfect_  and  _handsome_  as they are.”

  
  
“...Um...”

  
  
“...Did I say that part at the end out loud?”

  
  
“Uh, Tony. I’m not really sure – “

  
  
“Of course when I say  _handsome_  I don’t mean, you know,  _handsome_. I mean something more like, like, beautiful or  _fuck_  – “

  
  
“Tony?”

  
  
“Gorgeous...”

  
  
“Tony?”

  
  
“...I gotta go.”

  
  
“Slow down, tiger. You can let yourself get good and embarrassed later. For now let’s try to deal with one crisis at a time. Keep your head bowed over the porcelain altar, okay?”

  
  
“You called me tiger.”

  
  
“Yep.”

  
  
“Like it. Tiger is a  _wicked_  nickname.”

  
  
“It sure is, tiger.”

  
  
“Now I need to find a cool nickname for you. Cool like tiger.”

  
  
“You do that. Drink this water.”

  
  
“You’re so nice to me.”

  
  
“How are you getting  _drunker_?”

  
  
“I think you mean ‘more drunk.’”

  
  
“Focus, Tony.”

  
  
“More drunker.”

  
  
“Tony?”

  
  
“So nice.”

  
  
“Yeah, I’m a real sweetheart.”

  
  
“Nice. Sweet. Like a...cupcake. Call you Cupcake.”

  
  
“Sounds like a wicked nickname to me, Tony the Tiger.”

  
  
“Sorry I yelled at you, Cupcake.”

  
  
“No, no. The whole glass. Don’t stop.”

  
  
“Ahaha. Tony the Tiger.”

  
  
“Yes. Very good. You got it. You’re a real genius, Ton.”

  
  
“Rhodey?”

  
  
“What is it Tony? No! Jesus! Don’t just drop the glass onto the tile like that! I don’t need to start my day dragging you off to an emergency room for stitches.”

  
  
“I think you’re  _grrrreat!_ ”

  
  
“Cute Tony. I don’t think you’re too bad, either.”


End file.
